Thank you, Maria Grazia, for hosting me today. I’m excited to talk about my newest release: P & P & LOL: a Novella Retelling of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice…Through Texts!
This book is unconventional, and one of the key problems that kept popping up (besides the all-texting format!) was how to translate Regency problems into something that works in the modern world. For example, in Elizabeth’s world, the whole town seems to agree that Bingley and Darcy’s income makes them superior to the Bennets in just about every way. Darcy seems pretty on board with this analysis.
But these days, while we value income, it’s not the only thing that makes a good catch. What if it was? Just for fun, I wrote a text convo with the P and P characters exploring that one. Take a look.
Darcy: Yeah! How’d it go?
Charlie: She said no!
She said I shouldn’t have ghosted her!
And I was like, are you serious right now? Because I have WAY more money than you do.
Darcy: EXACTLY what I was thinking. What’s the matter with her??
Well. You’ll never believe this. The SAME thing happened with her sister.
I’m all, Lizzy, your family’s a bunch of fools, and obviously everyone will think you’re a gold digger, but do you want to marry me? And she’s all, NO!
Charlie: I don’t get those Bennet sisters.
Darcy: Seriously. Women.
And what about Charlotte? She can earn her own way! Why would she agree to date Mr. Collins? Hm. How do any of the modern Mr. Collinses in our world find partners?
Speaking of Mr. Collins, is he really not taking “no” for an answer from Lizzy? Because we don’t call that annoying anymore. We call it sexual harassment.
I had a lot of fun unravelling these puzzles and translating them into something that makes sense in our modern times. I hope you enjoy the solutions I came up with—and I hope you have some laughs joining Darcy and Elizabeth on their romantic romps—all through the screen of a cell phone.
The excerpt below is a snapshot of Mrs. Bennet’s loud gossip session with her neighbor…and her daughters’ different reactions to what they hear. Enjoy!
Read an Excerpt
Sunday, October 9
Lyds: LOL do you love it how when Mom talks to Mrs. Chiu on her doorstep, the whole neighborhood can hear her?
KittyCat: THATS BECAUSE SHE WANTS THEM ALL TO HEAR HER!!! SHES TALKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW JANE!!!
Janie: No. What’s she saying?
Lyds: All I can say is, LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Janie: Lizzy, how bad is it? What’s she saying? Can you go over there and bring her home? Sorry to ask.
I’m so glad Charlie and I are out so he can’t hear it.
Lizzy? Are you there?
Janie: Where’s Lizzy?
Lyds: Trying to start a private conversation with her like you always do?
KittyCat: SHES IN THE SHOWER!!!
Lyds: She just came back from a run and you know she likes a loooooong shower after her runs.
So she’s not going over there to save you any time soon.
That means the neighborhood gets the FULL show tonight.
KittyCat: LOL SHOULD WE RECORD IT???
Lyds: Already am, Kitty.
Janie: What’s she saying??
KittyCat: SHES TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT YOUR BOY TOY IS!!!
Janie: Please tell me you’re joking.
Lyds: LOL, shes been going on about how hot your babies will be for the last fifteen minutes.
Wait. Now she’s wondering if Charlie has chest hair or not.
LOL, Jane can you settle this debate for us?
KittyCat: I THINK NO CHEST HAIR!!!
Mary: The fashion of shaving chest hair only serves to propagate the belief that beauty is external.
Lyds: LOL, Mary is guessing yes to chest hair. Jane, we need a pic of Charlies chest, stat.
Janie: Please go down there and get her to come home.
Lyds: Now shes talking about his income. Thats gonna last a good ten minutes.
She thinks you guys will get a yacht.
KittyCat: SHE SAYS YOULL BUY HER AND DAD A HOUSE!!!
Lyds: LOL, Jane, I expect a pool.
Hahahahaha! Now shes talking about your wedding!
KittyCat: SHE THINKS YOU SHOULD RELEASE DOVES!!!
IS THAT A GOOD IDEA???
WONT THEY POOP ON EVERYONE???
Lyds: Nice, Kitty. Mom just thought of that too.
Shes a no on the doves now.
Shes thinking a destination wedding. Maybe Paris.
Oh, wait, Mrs. Chiu just brought it back to the house youre buying Mom and Dad. Shes saying that you wont want to buy your parents a house because youll want to spend your money on your own house.
Jane. You selfish cow.
KittyCat: WHAT ABOUT OUR POOL JANE???
Lyds: Wait. Moms agreeing that thats a good point, so…
Lyds: She says she and Dad can move in with you guys!!
KittyCat: BUT THEN WHERE WILL WE LIVE???
Lyds: Seriously. Thanks for making us homeless Jane.
Oh, Mom just remembered she has more than one kid.
KittyCat: LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! THAT IS THE BEST IDEA EVER!!! MOM IS TOO FUNNY!!!
Janie: What? What did she say?
Lyds: She says we can all live with you and Charlie!!!
KittyCat: THE POOL IS BACK ON, BABY!!!
Lyds: I want a hot tub, too.
KittyCat: YES!!! PEOPLE WHO HAVE A POOL WITHOUT A HOT TUB ARE SO DUMB!!!
Lyds: True, Kitty, and we dont want people thinking we are dumb.
Mary, youll have to bring Solomon, your pet rat. No house is a home without a rat.
Mary: If this is a serious discussion, I’d like to note that Solomon has a soul that cannot be caged. He requests his own room.
KittyCat: SAME, SOLOMON, SAME!!! MY SOUL IS SO TIRED OF BEING CAGED!!!
Lyds: Good call, Solomon. Private room requests for Mary, Solomon, Kitty, and me. How much money does Charlie have again? Lizzy is going to have to room with you and Charlie, Jane.
Lizzy: Just got out. I’ll go over and bring Mom home.
Janie: Thank you, Lizzy.
Lyds: Lizzy always ruins everything.
|Have you seen this web series inspired to Pride and Prejudice? - The Lizzie Bennet's Diaries|
About the Author
Kirstin Odegaard likes taking long walks on the beach, relaxing in a warm bath until the skin on her toes wrinkles, and sipping her tea while it’s still hot. But she has three kids, so she never does any of that. In her non-fantasy life, she’s into Lego battles, stuffed animal parties, and kiddie cuddles. When she’s not writing or with her family, she runs her tutoring center, where she advises students on how to solve for X and which date to take to prom. She fell in love with Pride and Prejudice with that first viewing of a dripping Colin Firth emerging from the lake. She is also the author of First Impressions: a Modern Retelling of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and Emily: a Modern Retelling of Jane Austen’s Emma.
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